I went to brunch with my 2 best friends and my best friends' best friend-a homophobic gay man -J. I don't usually brunch, nor do I usually see my friends. I was quite surprised actually to find out I still had any. My list of requirements for friendship is quite low but very focused. My main requirement is that if I should become suddenly homeless that they would offer me and my dog a sofa to use until I become un-homeless. I think this is very important and if I feel this is not an option then the friendship is revoked. The other requirement is that they must feel comfortable that I am basically a shut-in, sort of like the unibomber without the bomber thing attached. I am available once every six months for the most amusing 4 hours of the year and yes, if they needed a place to stay should they become suddenly homeless 'mi casa su casa'. That's pretty much it, the rest is just icing on the 'ol cake of life, like the fact that they think I am funny. I used to be the 'pretty' friend in my youth, slowly I became the 'stylish' friend (hide flaws with good clothes and shoes), now as life progresses I will take the 'amusing' friend role, as long as they are laughing with me and not at me I'm fine.
I do want to mention no one had said anything about my 'Moe' bangs. Now this is a very drastic hair 'don't ' and I would think it would have caused tire screeching and comments along the lines of "uh-oh, what have you done now?" Instead no one mentioned it, which was perhaps a way to make me feel more comfortable but in fact illicited the reverse feeling of comfort. I finally mentioned it to Candace, "Did you notice my hair?", she suddenly needed to sip her coffee and divert her eyes and with her thumb and forefinger pinched together I heard a mumble, "A little short". Why this bothered me so much I don't know. They are short and I expect my friends to tell me things like you have something in your teethe, or you're drinking too much or your pants are too tight, I dunno, but I guess it bothered me because it's not something I could solve with a toothpick, A.A, or sweatpants, they are going to have to grow back and it's going to take some time, maybe that's why they weren't mentioned in the first place. I have decided to expand my list to include--'my friends need to be good liars in inordinately awkward situations that are out of ones control.' That's not asking for too much, right?
